The beginning of the tenth month, Ghost Army Li Ignis Division Spring Sun Battalion Centurion Team Captain Qu Fongning — for in the Hundred Flower Battle, his critical kill of the enemy leader broke the opposing force and took the chief honor — was not only restored of his rank of millenarian captain, he was further appointed to the position of the division’s junior marshal. This position held substantial authority and was merely one step away from the commander of the Li Ignis Division and nearly leveled with the deputy commander. When the news went around, the fourteen thousand men of the Li Ignis Division at once exploded, either with shock and discontent, joy and aspiration, unbounded outrage, or eagerness. All manners of scenes went on like a kaleidoscope, a grand spectacle.
Yet the Nvquay-emblemed, golden thread-hemmed long gown that represented justice of conduct and prime principle was not accepted by the Junior Marshal himself.
At night, while the Spring Sun Battalion feasted and danced, Uighshön was instead kneeling pathetically within a ring of fire, holding high a greenwood tray, on it an untouched ceremonial gown, signet seal, medals, and collar badge, crying with his face full of snots in the fire, and screaming, “Boss, I dare no more! I was all into the vainglory on the face! My heart was enthralled and my eyes blinded by a ghost! Boss, please spare me!…Damn eagle, fuck your mom! Boss! My body is sizzling, sizzling, charring! About to become a roast pig soon! Boss, I never could eat any smoke! Boss, you can’t lash out like this even if you’ve got fumes…”
No one pitied him from the side. Even the good old Gerrgu quietly walked off to the edge. Cher Bien was bustling and hollering people to bring over more wood and kindling, and some of the others even slyly took out fire grease and alcohol.
Qu Fongning by then walked out of the yurt, his body still wearing the centurion captain’s military uniform, and his shoulder and arm stripped of badges, looking like an ordinary fresh recruit.
Despite this, the others still feared him. Seeing him languidly striding forth, they subconsciously made out a path.
Captain Qu walked before the ring of fire, and with a flash of black in his hand, appeared a two-fingered width horsewhip.
Uighshön saw this mighty treasure and was scared out of his wits. “Boss, I know, I know, I know, I know I’m wrong!” he stuttered.
Qu Fongning curled up the horsewhip, tapping lightly on his palm. “Oh? How have you been wrong?” he said.
How would Uighshön know what crimes he’d trespassed; but seeing the whip stopping in his palm, he knew it was about to strike, and immediately pulled out some rubbish confession of various offenses, like the other day he robbed some else’s overnight stock, another day he whored in the other battalion’s brothel and took advantage of them not knowing him and left without paying, and spilled all sorts of beams clean.
The onlookers listened with building giggles, but due to Qu Fongning’s presence, dared not to laugh out loud. And one after another, faces tensed green and purple, looking quite funny.
From the start to the end, Qu Fongning carried an expression as calm as water, and waited for him to drag on all the odds and ends, before starting cooly, “Uighshön Daur, you acted beyond authority and committed the crime of arrogation. This could be said to be the epitome of boldness! When have I ever said I wanted a promotion? And need you to pick up some bullshit title?”
Uighshön was so shocked and even forgot the heat. “Boss, this Junior Marshal… you don’t want it?” he said stupidly.
“Is it so rare?” sneered Qu Fongning.
Uighshön swallowed a mouthful of slob and gained another level of respect towards the boss’s haughtiness and pinnacle vision. “Not rare, not rare. All bullshit, bullshit.”
“As long as you know. Since this is your first breach…” said Qu Fongning.
Uighshön noted the chance, and the joy rose to his brows. He was ready to stand, and the arms exhausted from the lift relaxed as well.
But he heard the boss speaking gravely behind the flames, “…not going to kill you yet. But if there is another instance, this will be your fate!” A crack of whiplash, the wooden tray split into two halves, and the gown and badges tumbled across the earth.
~
Captain Qu’s refusal to accept the title sent another grand shockwave across the whole of Chienye. They felt this young captain really had a restless supply of shows. From then on, the wandering bards of the steppes have no need to gather stories through the frost and storms anymore; they only need to stick around him alone!
There were some old, sober ones who couldn’t help worrying for him: Refusing order, isn’t that scorning General Yujien’s authority on the spot? Isn’t he not allowing him any face? General has commanded storms and clouds all his life. How would he easily let him go?
And as expected, the second day, Sky Gale Cliff sent men over to invite him up. Apart from Uighshön’s oblivious gang sending him away with beating drums, any with some sense couldn’t help an unnerving disquiet. Gerrgu especially parted the crowd and came before hhis side, and entreated, “Little brother Fongning, if you need to lash and curse… Uighshön would be fine. Though General Yujien cares for you, he’s still… a big shot on the top, and can’t be like us, no matter what you say, will go murder and put anybody to the torches.”
Qu Fongning was bent down, tightening his military bootstraps. His face originally had no expression, and upon his words, he smiled lightly. “I’ve made you murder and put men to the torches?” He stretched his hand and gave him a hug, turned, and left.
All along, Uncle Hwei sat by the side of the curtains with his slouched back, head bowed, polishing a piece of resin. When his silhouette faded into the distance, he finally lifted his head for a profound gaze and imperceptibly let out a sign.
~
Yujien sat alone on the Wolfhead Thone, and his personal guards, whether they took the hint or got orders, were nowhere to be seen. Furr pelts were strewn across the ger, and a few used cups sprinkled across the round table; the army meeting must’ve concluded. Qu Fongning lifted the curtains and entered, had his back against the skeleton of the threshold, and moved no more.
Yujien was perusing a red silken, blue-surfaced gift list. At this moment, he put it aside and lifted his head to regard him. “What chu standing at the door for? Come here to me,” he spoke gently.
Qu Fongning walked forward mechanically and stopped before the Wolfhead Throne. His lackluster eyes shifted slightly, looking at him with some condescension.
Yujien followed where his gaze reached and touched the wound on his own forehead. “It looks like your wound’s better, know how to flare up and hit people now,” his speech seemed to carry a smile.
Qu Fongning opened his mouth, flat and even: “Whether my wounds are healed, why don’t My Lord General examine it yourself.”
“Very well,” replied Yujien, musing. So, he really lowered to loosen his bootstraps and took a look at the two ankles under the short socks one after another, found the wounds already completely healed, even the scars had faded into light pink, and thus said, “Healed very fast.”
Qu Fongning’s eyes contained no joy or hate.
“My wounds are beyond this one place,” he said blankly.
Yujien paused and looked at him again. “I know,” he said, like a lament.
Qu Fongning was shrouded in black, without badges nor mask, even the bronze buckles on the belts had been removed. Yujien pulled out his belt, opened apart the folds of his top, undid the dark bronze bottom of his breeches, pulled it above his knees, and revealed the thin layer of his white underwear.
This underwear was really too thin, even the breadth and shapes and sizes of his hairs were all clearly visible. Yujien had peeled off this most intimate small cloth of his a thousand times, yet this time he was unusually hesitant and didn’t make a move for quite some time.
Qu Fongning stood unmoved, and under his gaze, kept a past calm. “Is the general worried of seeing some pus and ulcer? No matter, the ugliest stage has passed.”
Yujien’s brows slowly frowned deep, then finally his hands retread, and he sat up on the seat. “Ningning, what are you doing here?”
Qu Fongning’s long interred avalanche of fury gradually poured out as if released by a puncture. He bit his jaw, sneering. “What am I doing? I’m betting with myself, betting on when you will apologize to me.”
Yujien held on to his gaze, seeming slightly puzzled. “Why should I apologize to you?”
Qu Fongning’s eyes had been dark and heavy. In his words, the tail edge of his eyes flicked wide, and his pupils expanded to the extreme. “For you professing to love me and care for me, yet personally sending me onto someone else’s bed!”
Yujien stayed unmoved. “So, it’s for this. Mn, you suffered a lot. I know,” he said, sighing.
Qu Fongning sneered flippantly. His face was full of spleen.. “You know? You know what? Know his thing was just like an earthworm, when he fucked me, it was like hundreds of hairy worms crawling across my body? Know how many weird things he tried to stuff in me, to see my ass water? Know how I got those china shoes on my feet? Or how that stick of string was shoved into my lower half? Don’t you know it all? Come, come tell!”
Yujien’s face fell dark. “The Crowne King was behind in preparations, and Iled’s reinforcement was weak. I’d come late, and had you suffered,” he said slowly.
Qu Fongning cracked out a “Haa,” and his voice rasped, “Late? How am I important? The preparations are important, the reinforcements are important, Chienye’s land is important! ‘No failure is allowed,’ Hahaha! I heard you guys had a spectacular annihilating battle. Really much to be congratulated! Your honor even extended a great kindness to bestow a Marshal Junior. A pity that you have the face to give, but I haven’t the face to take it! If others know I got this seat through selling my ass, then your grandiose ambition will really come true! I would surely be eternally passed down in the ballads, but that won’t be some heroic hymn, but some whoring, degrading self-sacrificial requiem.”
Yujien’s throat rolled. “Ningning, I didn’t know you were so unwilling. If you had been truly resistant, you should have told me,” he said regretfully.
“Ha, you would have something you didn’t know! That day, when the Enmeshment Battalion escorted me…” Suddenly, his entire body stopped short, and his voice dropped loose and muttered, “Enmeshment Battalion… Right, the Enmeshment Battalion is the best in pursuit and capture. You directed them to escort me, afraid that I… would run away in the middle.” As the idea struck, it was like an abrupt awakening, and many details started to come together. “Yeah, that day when the Left Crown King leered at me with such vulgarity, you not only weren’t offended, you rather, in front of him with me… with me… And then you colluded secretly with him in Ancient Fanshwarian, it was true…. You had sold me for a good price. You said I’m your son, not some respected favorite, it was to… jack up the price. Hahahaha! You’d thought it well out so long ago! Pity me, I was so stupid and oblivious to the ways of the world and even wanted to die with you the night before!”
Yujien regarded his maddening visage, his eyes carrying some rue, and dropped a low sign. “Ningning, if you must think this way, I have nothing to say.”
As if unheard, Qu Fongning had a cold jolt zap across his body, and swung his hand before his eyes. “That’s right, precisely! That night you held me, kissed me, and courted me with so much passion. So, it was dossing me sweet mead before sending me to mountains of blades and oceans of flames. Haha, Haha, you crack me up! Would you have any sense of remorse? I beg you don’t ever bother! In the future, if you are to cut off my head or peel my skin, a thousand cuts or ten thousand slashes, all yours—just never mention the word lovers ever again! Whenever I think of that amorous face of yours, I’ll retch. You’re more revolting than the Left Crown King! When he’s on me, at least I know what he’s thinking. When you’re on me, I actually don’t know what kind of foul ideas are in your heart!”
Yujien found his expression frenzied, with veins crawling twisted across his face, appearing dreadful, and thus stood up and caught his shoulders. “Ningning, you thinking this way, I am at fault. But I ordered you to request military aid because of the circumstances at the time and it had nothing to do with our relationship. If you were unwilling, that was your business, but you mustn’t question my feelings for you,” he said in a low voice.
Qu Fongning swept away his hand with all his strength. “Oh, yeah? To go on your enemy’s bed and spread open my legs for fucks, that is also a duty of your lover?” he said, sneering.
Yujien slowly shook his head, his eyes revealing a shred of fatigue. “You don’t understand at all. That day, our eighty thousand reinforcements were trapped in Khilan. Lio Whu, Badama, and Daishüban secretly colluded from three sides to surround our forty thousand troops within the Forest of Yearning, to annihilate us. The Fanshwar Right Crowne King had an agreement with Lio Whu beforehand to lend them passage for their troops. I made you… go; one was to request for external support to repel the enemy, two was to escalate the Crowne King’s discontent and foster our collaboration. As thus, Za’yii and Bi’ro lost their soldiers and leaders, Fanshwar’s drift all in our hands, our blades unbloodied, three eagles with one arrow. Never has there been such an absolute victory since the founding of Chienye. Ningning, how is this your taint?”
When Qu Fongning heard the last few words, the cold sneer plastered across his entire face. He dipped his chin at him and snorted, “You’ve schemed very well, flawless without fail, truly as expected for the General of the Generation, the pillar of the nation! But have you ever considered, when you were unfolding your plans and stratagems, where was I? How was my day? At least for a quarter of an hour, no, just for a moment—had you ever thought about me?”
Yujien furrowed his brows. His voice turned austere. “You’ve steeled your heart to dig at this bullhorn tip, yeah? Let me tell you, all this has nothing to do with what you’re saying! Under the circumstances of the time, you are first and foremost a son of Chienye, the Ghost Army’s soldier, and lastly my lover! Before you couldn’t tell the difference, now you still can’t tell the difference?”
Qu Fongning had a breath caught in his throat, froze for half a moment, then started a maniacal laugh.
Yujien found his eyes glazed, his conduct hysterical, and his heart had a jolt. “Ningning, what’s up with you?” he said, going forth.
And saw Qu Fongning faltering back a few paces, laughing, pointing at his face. “Yeah, how can I forget? In your heart, who measures up to your mother nation? You married off your sister Lan’suer to Khilan and could never see her beloved ever again. You knew Qu Sharraugh was planning to revolt, but still used your niece to appease his mind. Your son… Hahaha, your poor silent son, didn’t even say a single word, and you killed him with a single shot! Your mother died before your eyes, and you didn’t have a single thread of grief, and rather full of pride. Because she died for her country, and didn’t fail the prestige of your House Yarrdu! You’ve said you’re not good with these matters of love. I’m afraid that’s the only truth you ever said to me. General Guo has said something that was really rather in your light! How are you just heartless and merciless? You are not worthy of being a human!”
When Yujien heard ‘son,’ a chill burst in his eyes. “Lio Whu told you this? You rather believe the enemy?”
Qu Fongning laughed, trembling violently, shaking his head. “No more enemy, no more student, subordinate, son, or lover… all yours, I want no more. You have no need to threaten me, I’m not afraid of anything this time. You said I can’t tell the difference, that’s good. At least that proves I’m still human, a flesh and blood, living human…”
He stumbled, backing towards the doorway, and abruptly tripped on the breeches on his ankles, then proceeded to dazedly pull it up, not evening noticing the bronze buckle had slipped.
Yujien saw his belt dragging on the ground, wanted to help him pick it up, hesitated for a moment, in the end, retreated his arm.
And suddenly heard Qu Fongning’s quiet voice, “I have a last question for you.”
He lifted his eyes at him, and saw Qu Fongning’s face with a flush of red and another flush of white. It was clearly the final verve before a last stance, but the voice carried a tremor. “I ask you, if I was the one on Dingzhou’s walls at the time, would you also impale my heart with a single shot?”
Yujien watched his tearful face for some time. Then his upper and lower lips shifted faintly.
“…I would.”
Qu Fongning’s throat cracked a laugh and persisted once more, “Would you hesitate?”
Yujien gazed long at his unreconciled look, and ultimately, closed his eyes.
“Never hesitate.”
As expected, the corner of Qu Fongning’s lips shifted, his hysterical manner gradually dissipated, and his entire person bled colors like burnt-out cinders, seeming about to scatter with a breeze of wind, turning into dust.
Yujien felt a void in his heart. He rushed up two steps and his voice quickened as well. “Ningning, if we swap places, my greatest wish is to see you to kill me with a single shot.”
Qu Fongning’s pace stopped. His tone returned to calm. “I wouldn’t. I would use all I have to trade you, no matter how much land or how many cities… However good land is, it’s dead, it won’t talk to me, it won’t smile…”
His tears flooded out once again. He turned and strode out of the ger. When his hand caught the doorway, he seemed to let out a wry laugh to himself, and turned his head back at him.
“That night, I truly wanted to die with you.”
With that said, he paused for a split moment, and augmented his tone and repeated, “Truly.”
He turned to leave, his pace swift, and soon disappeared.
Yujien stood in place, looking at the curtain doors for a long time, and finally dropped his gaze.
“Sorry, Ningning. I must stay alive.” His voice was low and tired.
The nocturnal wind of the Tenth month chilled the steppes. These unfeigned words also scattered into the frosty sky as soon as they left his mouth.
~
When Qu Fongning came out of the ger, he saw a round of brilliant full moon, and the mountain path illuminated silver like frost. A brisk gale swept past, and he felt coldness taking over his body. And between now and then, he seemed to suddenly see light through the clouds, coming around something that had been bothering him for a long time.
The time when Chao’yoonr followed Qu Lyn into danger and died as the result, he had thought it was merely one of Yujien’s far and few miscalculations. Now, he finally understood why Yujien hadn’t considered it. Chao’yoonr knew her lover was a traitor, a rebel, yet willingly went with him.
Because in his life, he had never considered love as a significant matter. The only thing he didn’t include in his calculations was “love.”
As he thought through this, he couldn’t help breaking into another cackle. Sound came out of his throat, but only throttling croaks, no laughter.
He walked down the slope, distracted, his consciousness and spirit beyond his bodily flesh and senses, merely letting his legs bring himself forward, walking towards his usual place. In his trance, he seemed to have walked past various bustles and questions, and came before a dark place of solitude. His heart dimly knew this was his place, and he thus laid down dressed. The back of his head ached in pulses, pillowing the earth, but he didn’t want to move at all, and rather hoped for the more pain the better, if best, to rip through his heart and entrails, ebb away all the blood and meat of his flesh.
Not sure how long later, he felt the curtains turn up, someone came to his side, caressed his back, and said quietly, “Get up.” At the time, his hand and feet were all as mellow as cotton, and he paid no attention. Until, in the darkness, a voice, like a diamond symphony with a faint harmony of strings, rang up cooly:
“Su Fangyi, get up.”